change

Helping Yourself Change With Motivational Interviewing

/ Mark A Nutting / Leave a comment

I’ve been doing a deep dive in the area of motivational interviewing (MI). While I was trained as a wellness coach over 15 years ago, the techniques of MI add another layer to my ability to help people change. In fact, I’ll be presenting the topic to other personal trainers at a conference in March on how they can use it to help their clients. I also believe that if you learn the concepts of MI, it can help you create your own change. Here are a few basics of MI to assist you in making changes in your life.

Ambivalence

Let me start by saying that MI is a tool in overcoming ambivalence, or the uncertainty when being pulled in two different directions. This is seen when there is a desire to change and a desire to not change. We’ve all experienced this. I would like to spend more time writing and I want to binge watch my latest Netflix series (which happens to be the 2nd season of the new Lost In Space). Both desires are there in me. I am ambivalent about changing. So, when we find ourselves ambivalent about changing, what can we do?

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Change Talk and Sustain Talk

In MI, the practitioner listens to his or her client talk about what they would like to do. The practitioner is listening for change talk (talk expressing why change is important) and sustain talk (talk that supports them not changing). The practitioner acknowledges the sustain talk to the client when it is heard and when he or she hears change talk, they will likely ask you to get into more in depth with it. In example, if you say, “I know I should be exercising (change talk), but I don’t have any time (sustain talk).” The practitioner might reply, “Time is tight. You don’t seem to be able to fit anything else in (acknowledging sustain talk) and (not but, they are are not mutually exclusive) you know you should be working out (acknowledging change talk). Tell me more about why working out is important to you.” (asking you to dig deeper into change talk) 

Dig Deeper Into Change Talk

Talking about your reasons to change in greater depth accomplishes a couple of things.

  1. It helps you discover or bring to light more reasons why the change is important to you. Say you wanted to lose weight and were asked to say a little more about why losing weight was important to you. Maybe your doctor said that your blood pressure was high and that losing weight could help lower it. Maybe you want to stay healthy so you can be an active father or mother for your kids.
  2. As you articulate more reasons why change is important, you strengthen your resolve to change.

You Can Accomplish Big Things When You Set Your Mind to It

Is changing too difficult? That thought pops into all of our minds at some point. “I can’t. It’s just too hard!” Of course, as the saying goes, “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.” – Henry Ford. To help you have more confidence in your ability to change, explore past times that you have accomplished something challenging. As you find situations that you were able to overcome, it helps you recognize that the traits that you had for those challenges can help you with upcoming ones.

Nobody Knows You Better

There are experts in the world that know more than most about a particular subject. They will tell us that we should be doing this or that we shouldn’t be doing that. I have been a personal trainer for 40 years and have never stopped learning. So, my knowledge of exercise prescription is very good. However, no matter how well equipped I am to dictate what behaviors can create change for Joe or Jane Average, I am not an expert on you (nor is anyone else). Only you are. I don’t know your full history, or what really drives you, or your internal battles, or what ultimately is the best path for you. MI practitioners are facilitators, getting you to explore your own feelings, reasons for change, and strategies to make that change happen. If you find yourself without the answers, MI practitioners can help you fill in the gaps.

Action Plan

Knowing yourself as you do, decide what the next step should be. Create an action plan. Start with, “Tomorrow (or other set date), I will…” (Remember, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”- Yoda) That doesn’t mean you can’t fail. However, if a strategy doesn’t work, simply modify it and start again.

Implement It

Now, let’s discuss how you can implement this for yourself. A large part of MI is that the act of hearing yourself, your words, talking about why change is important, that you have the traits that can help you overcome challenges, and your action plan for that change, creates a greater willingness and confidence in sticking to that plan and reaching your goal. Since you won’t be with a MI practitioner, how can you “hear” yourself? Find a recording medium of your choice, video, audio, record it by typing it into a document, or write it by hand in a journal. Then go through the process of:

  • Talk about what you want to change or accomplish
  • Note your sustain talk and your change talk
  • Dig deeper into the change talk. Ask yourself more about what reaching your goal might mean, how your life might be different
  • Talk about times you’ve overcome obstacles and what traits allowed you to do that
  • List some strategies that you could implement that would help you on your way
  • Give a specific time when you will begin
  • Reassess weekly. Repeat any steps needed and record what went well, what did not, what alterations to the plan are needed, and reaffirm what changing will mean to you

Give It a Shot

and let me know how it goes. Best wishes, Mark

 

Disclaimer to MI Practitioners:

In being a very brief, static, one-sided blog post to a general population of which I know no specifics, I have broken many of the rules of MI. Please allow me a little leeway. I am writing about this in an attempt to empower the reader to make their own path for change.

Time to Make New Year Resolutions?

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Are you thinking about making resolutions for 2020? According to History.com, the practice of making new year resolutions has been around for thousands of years and what we now call resolutions used to be promises made to the gods to behave better in the upcoming year. Resolutions are now made to ourselves in an effort to better ourselves and/or our lives. While 45 percent of Americans make resolutions, only 8 percent are actually successful. If we’re so bad at keeping them, why do we keep on making them?

Untitled design (66)Well, there’s something very attractive about new beginnings. So, a new year, a new month, a new day seems like an ideal time start something new. I personally believe that so many people fail because they’re making this resolution for the year, “this year I will…”, and have given themselves a year to accomplish it and therefore make the goal a big one. That, in itself, is not the problem. A year is actually a good amount of time to make some real changes, but, people don’t create a gradual plan for the year. They create a crash course that they intend on keeping until they reach their goal. “I will run 5 miles every day.” “I’ll only eat salads.” “I will meditate for an hour every day.” Starting from square one, each of these are too severe to expect to be able to maintain them. They end up falling off the wagon and, feeling defeated, give up never having reached their goal. The best way to reach your goal is to start with a small behavior to change, one small step forward. Then, as your body and your mind are ready for it, you can progress to something more challenging. Running 5 miles might begin as walking a half mile every other day. See how it feels after the first week and maybe add a day or progress to a half mile walk/run.

If you want to achieve your resolution, create a progression. Rather than trying to take one giant leap, start with a small step. The idea of committing to smaller steps is easier on us physically, mentally, and takes less time to chisel out of our schedule. Once the first small step is taken, a second one can happen, then a third. Sustainable change is the accumulation of small progressive steps.

As the saying goes, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu

There Are Good Reasons for NOT Changing

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Most people understand that they should exercise. They know that they would be healthier if they did. They also know that if they could make healthier food choices and manage their stress. So, why don’t they?

Well there are plenty of reasons for not working out, changing your diet, or trying to combat stress. The explanations typically start with, “I know I should ________, but…” These “buts” are actually “ands”. You may think that they are mutually exclusive, but, they’re not. “I know I need to start exercising and I am too busy to go to the gym.” Both can be true.

Untitled design (49)Let’s look at some real reasons for not changing:

  • Making time to workout will be hard.
  • My body aches and I don’t feel like working out.
  • I’m tired all of the time and I don’t feel like working out.
  • When I get stressed or depressed, eating comforts me.
  • Eating is one of my pleasures in life and I don’t want to give that up.
  • I don’t like the taste of “healthy” food.
  • Meditation is too weird for me.
  • It’s easier to just keep doing what I’m doing.

All of these things could be true and they cannot just be ignored for “the better good”. These are also strong anchors keeping us moving forward with change. To get beyond these and begin the change process, address your reasons for not changing. In example, say your body aches and you don’t feel like working out. Start by asking yourself how you could make your body hurt less. Maybe it’s by warming your body up through a short series of mobility or stretching movements. Try it. Don’t worry about working out yet. Simply try to lessen the hold that the aching has on you. Another example might be not liking the taste of “healthy” food. Start by looking at what you do eat and like. Surely something there is healthy. You can eat more of the healthy food that you are already eating. Then take a look at where you might be able to make small tweaks in other foods that you are eating. Maybe a little less sugar in your coffee or a smaller portion of that pizza.

The key to overcoming obstacles to change is to acknowledge them, tweak them to lessen their hold, and then, when you know they are no longer holding you back, add a small amount of the behavioral change you want. Add a little more activity. Throw in a small amount of healthier food on your plate. Take a few minutes to just breathe and relax at your most stressful point of the day.

Give it a try. If you have any questions, please ask away in the comments below.

Stacking Habits

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Having the right habits in place is important to our businesses and our lives. When it comes to breaking old habits or creating new ones, one thing that can help is to use existing habits as cornerstones to change. The idea of stacking habits is when you add a new habit directly after something you already do habitually. “When I do “X”, I will then do “Y”.

To use this you first have to acknowledge those things that you do automatically throughout your day. Say your alarm goes off in the morning, what do you do first? Second? Third? In example, I know I 1) get up, 2) go to the bathroom, 3) make myself a cup of coffee, 4) sit down and read emails, then 5) go through social media, yada, yada… Once you have created a list of your habits, you can start to tack on an additional task in the appropriate place.

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Say, you want to start writing a blog. Your evening routine is to eat dinner, clean up the dinner dishes, watch tv until 11pm, brush your teeth, and go to bed. You could stack writing into that schedule. “When I finish cleaning up the dinner dishes, I will sit down and write for 30 minutes before I turn the tv on…” You’ll have to keep reminding yourself for awhile, but this will soon become habit.

That’s to add a new behavior. You can also stack habits to help break or change bad habits. Maybe you come home from work and, before you even change out of your work clothes, immediately snack on chips or some other junk food. You could insert a behavior to help break that one. “As soon as I get home, I will go to the kitchen, take 5 minutes and eat an apple, then change my clothes, and then, if I still want chips, I can have them. The fact is that once you’ve cut your hunger by having an apple, and stalled the routine further by changing your clothes, you will find yourself in more control and be less likely to want the junk food.

By linking a new behavior to something you are already doing (stacking habits), you create an anchor for the new behavior and are much more likely to stick with it then if you just tell yourself to do the new behavior at some random point.

Try it out. I’d love to hear how this works for you.

 

Drop the Negative Self-Talk

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“Arrgh! I just blew my diet! I can’t do this! It’s too hard for me. I’m such a loser.” “Working out is too hard. I’ll never be able to keep it up!” Have these statements or something similar ever crossed your mind? We can be very cruel to ourselves when it comes to our inner voice and just because it’s us giving the verbal abuse, doesn’t make it any less damaging than if it was someone at home or work dishing it out. Just like abuse from an external source, this kind of negative self-talk can have some pretty serious effects on an individual.

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Some of the harmful effects include:

  • increased stress and anxiety
  • increases feelings of depression
  • decreased self-esteem
  • limited success in whatever you’re trying to accomplish (let’s face it, you’ll talk yourself right out of trying)

We are what we believe ourselves to be. So, don’t diminish yourself. Change is difficult and you will have ups and downs. Expect that. It’s part of the process. However much you do, it’s more than you’ll be doing if you quit and every little bit helps. Tell yourself how well you’re doing as you challenge yourself to change. Be your own friend.

Note: maybe you start a negative self-talk jar (like a swear jar) and every time you talk down to yourself, you have to put in a dollar. Save the money up to do something that makes you feel good about yourself.

 

Will You Ever Change?

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Change is hard. Change can be risky. Trying to change means you risk failing. It’s easier to stay on the same path. You know that path, and there’s a certain amount of safety on it. But, is that direction the one that will take you where you want to be?

changes

To change where we are, we need to change what we are doing. Before you make changes, however, you need to clearly define where it is that you want to be, what you want to accomplish. This vision quest, or clearly defined vision of the future you, dictates what needs to be done to get you there. This could be a task like completing a hike or a competition, or it could be getting off/staying off medications.

Next, you need to believe two things.

  • First, you need to believe the change is possible. Obviously, if you think that it’s impossible you won’t work for it. This is like saying you want to levitate (I think that would be very cool, btw). How hard are you going to work toward that?
  • The second belief is that the change is worth the amount of work it takes to achieve it. Here again is the question, if it’s not worth all of the work required to achieve it, how hard will you work?

Now, if you’ve attempted to reach this goal before, and failed, identify the obstacles that you encountered last time and pre-think solutions for them, because they are likely to show up again.

Lastly, you need to have a plan and it starts with what initial step is required. That may be researching your options for a place to work out, or a shopping list for healthy foods to buy and have at your home or office, but determine that first step and take it.

Change can happen for all of us. What’s holding you back?

Challenge Yourself!

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There all kinds of “Challenges” running about on the internet. They are set periods of time in which you do or don’t do something throughout that time. Challenges can be great ways to jumpstart a program. Most people can do something difficult to attain a particular goal. However, before you jump on the bandwagon, there are a few considerations that you should take into account.challenge

  • Don’t just do a challenge because it’s out there. I saw a “30 minute plank challenge” on Facebook that was ridiculous. First, there’s no point to doing a plank for 30 minutes and second, couldn’t you choose a challenge that is more meaningful and more likely to help you reach your goals?
    • Choose a challenge that sets up behavioral change beyond the timeframe. Say you want to eat better, maybe the challenge is to eat no processed foods. For a short time this might be a good one and, beyond the end of it, you’ll be in better control and better aware of eating at least less of those food items.
    • Choose to prepare for something. Maybe you want to train for a certain event such as a race or a hike or an obstacle course. Couch to 5K is an example of that.
  • You can create your own challenge. Don’t get hung up on looking for a set program to do. Just create your own.
  • Do it with a friend. Doing things that are challenging are typically more successful if you have the support of, and share the experience with, a friend.
  • Choose a timeframe that is realistic. If the chosen timeframe is too short, it is either unrealistic to reach your goal or it’s not much of a challenge. Many programs run 6, 8, 12 weeks (don’t ask me why, but I don’t see many 10 wk programs). These lengths give enough time to accomplish something meaningful.
  • Review your success once the challenge is done. After you complete your challenge, you should take a good look at what you’ve accomplished and appreciate the effort that you put into it. Maybe it wasn’t perfect. That’s okay. It’s not all or nothing. Look at it in percentages. In example, if you meant to eat breakfast every day and you only did it half of the time, that’s still 50% more than you were doing before. Or, you were training for a running event and you only could get in 3 of the 4 miles per day that you set out to do. That’s still 75% of your goal. In both examples, good for you!

Challenges, something done or not done for a set period of time, may be a way to change your behaviors or accomplish something on your bucket list. Think about what change would be meaningful to you and set up a challenge to get yourself started.

Good luck, and please let me know if you could use some help with this.

Try This!!! It Worked For Me!?

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What is probably the worst reasons to try something is because someone says, “It worked for me!” This is true with diets, exercise, supplements, or following some “guru”.

One story from my college days (yes, many, MANY years ago) is a perfect example of this. I was working in the university weight room and saw a huge bodybuilder doing concentration curls (one arm curls in which you’re seated with your elbow resting on the inside of your thigh). He had giant biceps. While curling with one arm, he held a metal pipe in the other and was hitting his biceps with it. I had to go ask what that was all about. He said that by hitting his muscle with the pipe, he was breaking down the muscle faster to build it up bigger…and who was going to argue with him, it must work, right. Whoa… big time wrong! That’s not how muscle breakdown and building works. “Well, (naysayers will say) if it didn’t work, why was he so big? Huuhh?” Well, let’s think of all the other things he could be doing. His diet was probably supplying the right amount nutrients. He was working out hard, even without the pipe. He probably had some genetic advantage, aaand… at that time, it was likely that he was taking anabolic steroids. Still, he said it was the pipe and people would surely believe him.

shake-weight-for-men-in-pakistan-Telebrand.pk_Any exercise program will give results to someone who hasn’t been exercising. It doesn’t mean it is the safest, most effective exercise program. It is just that now you’re following a program and doing some kind of exercise.

Almost all diets will give weight loss results short-term. Whether they are cutting out food groups (paleo, ketogenic, vegan) or managing when you eat (intermittent fasting) or has you track your points (weight watchers), they all will manipulate you into eating fewer calories. Fewer calories = weight loss (at least short term). (Marie Spano, MS, RD, CSCS, CSSD, has a great post here.)

All that said, I do hope that all of our clients are saying, “Try Jiva Fitness! It worked for me!” What’s the difference? Do your research. If it’s an exercise program or a diet/eating plan, what is it based on? Is there scientific evidence to back it up. Who are the people that created it? Are they qualified professionals? Don’t go blindly into things that are in the popular news. After all, even the Shake Weight was popular for a short time.

The Final Straw

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Many people go through life without feeling the need to exercise or watch what they eat. Weight gain, decreased strength, endurance, and/or flexibility, the onset of disease, these are all situations that happen gradually, many times without the individual’s notice. That is, until something happens that changes their perspective.

This final straw or moment of crisis, shifts an individual’s thinking from, “I’m fine the way I am.” to “I need to do something to change this.” If and when you have this moment, you should write it down in detail. What was going on? What did you hear and see? How did you feel? These are emotional moments and questions that require emotional answers. It is emotions, after all, that drives us. By documenting this, you will help to strengthen your resolve in changing and you will have something to turn to when your motivation wavers.

final-straw

The following are a few of the actual moments that brought clients to me for my help.

“At my last checkup, my doctor told me that I was pre-diabetic and that if I didn’t change how I was living my life, I would need to go on insulin.”

“I fell down outside my barn and I couldn’t get off the ground. It took me three hours to eventually get to something that I could use to help me pull myself up.”

“I saw a picture of myself and I couldn’t believe it was me. How could I have gained so much weight?”

“I just found out that my daughter is pregnant and I want to be around to be part of my grandchild’s life.”

To change our lives takes a change in our mindset, a shift in our priorities. When that final straw moment happens, you need to own it. You can change, and, while not knowing how to can be a problem, it’s no excuse. Find help and always keep in mind why changing is important to you and your life.

Good luck, and let me know if I can be of help. Mark